I’m not really sure how to write this.

Maybe because I’m still trying to process it myself.

For the past several months, I’ve been going through tests, appointments, bloodwork, scans, questions, and more questions. And somewhere along the way, the words I never expected to hear became part of my life:

I have Cushing’s disease.

Even writing that feels strange.

It’s been a month and a half and I’m still baffled.

I’ve spent a lot of time wondering if the things I’ve been feeling were really just me being tired. Maybe it was stress. Maybe it was getting older. Maybe it was being a mom. Maybe it was teaching. Maybe I just needed to lose some weight, sleep more, exercise more, try harder.

So I kept pushing.

Because that’s what I do.

I’m a teacher. I’m a mom. I’m a wife. I have kids who need me, students who need me, a house that needs me, schedules to manage, lunches to pack, practices to get to, laundry that somehow never ends, and approximately 47 things on my mental to-do list at any given moment.

Slowing down has never really been my specialty.

But now I’m being asked to.

And honestly?

I don’t know how.

Maybe My Body Has Been Trying to Tell Me Something

Cushing’s disease happens when the body produces too much cortisol because of a hormone-producing tumor in the pituitary gland.

Suddenly, some of the things I’ve struggled to explain make a little more sense.

The weight changes.

The exhaustion.

The headaches.

The feeling that my body just wasn’t cooperating with me.

The way I could be completely drained and still feel like I had to keep going.

It’s strange how a diagnosis can bring both answers and even more questions.

There is relief in finally having an explanation.

But there is also fear.

What does this mean?

What happens next?

How long will recovery take?

What will surgery be like?

How will I feel afterward?

How much of my life needs to change?

I don’t have all those answers yet.

And maybe that’s okay.

I’m Learning That Slowing Down Isn’t Giving Up

This has probably been the hardest lesson.

I’ve always associated slowing down with falling behind.

If I’m not accomplishing something, I feel like I should be.

If the house is messy, I should clean it.

If there’s work to do, I should finish it.

If my kids need something, I should make it happen.

If I’m tired, I should push through.

But maybe pushing through isn’t always strength.

Maybe sometimes strength is recognizing when your body is asking you to stop.

So I’m trying to listen.

I’m trying to give myself permission to sit down without feeling guilty.

To say no.

To ask for help.

To leave something undone.

To take a nap.

To spend time with my kids without thinking about the next thing on my list.

To remember that I don’t have to figure out my entire future today.

Right Now, I’m Just Taking It One Step at a Time

There are still appointments ahead.

There are decisions to make.

There is surgery on the horizon.

There will be recovery.

There will probably be good days and frustrating days and days when I wonder if I’m ever going to feel like myself again.

But I’m trying not to live in all of those future days yet.

Right now, I’m here.

And I’m learning.

I’m learning about my body.

I’m learning about Cushing’s disease.

I’m learning that my health deserves a place on my priority list—not at the very bottom after everyone else has been taken care of.

And I’m learning that I don’t have to apologize for needing to slow down.

Maybe this season isn’t about doing more.

Maybe it’s about finally listening.

Listening to my body.

Listening to the people who love me.

And listening to that little voice inside me that has been saying for a while now:

You don’t have to keep running.

So for now, I’m slowing down.

Not because I’m giving up.

Not because I’m weak.

Not because I don’t have things to do.

But because I’m finally realizing that I matter, too.

And maybe figuring all of this out doesn’t have to happen overnight.

Maybe one day, one appointment, one question, one answer, and one deep breath at a time is enough.

For now, it has to be.

💜💜💜